What would *that* woman do?
I finally get a night out to dinner with my hubbie. We slide into the leather seats, order our drinks and turn our attention to the menus. As I scan the options, I can feel the choice-battle happening in my head.
It really shouldn’t be this hard to choose what to eat, but I so rarely get to go out these days that I have this pressure to “make this choice count” and choose the most “forbidden” kind of meal possible.
But I know what happens every time I choose a meal just because it feels like a reward to eat junk? I feel like crap. And it never really tastes great anyway.
So this time I do something different.
I pause and imagine myself at the end of the meal.
I imagine that I’m watching the plate get taken away and I’m leaning back into my chair, thinking, “That was amazing… I feel SO GOOD right now. I’m totally satisfied but I also feel light and energized. Perfect choice, Lisa.”
Then I open up my eyes and scan the menu from *that* woman’s perspective- from the Lisa I want to be an hour in the future. What would *that* happy, content, feelin’ good Lisa have chosen an hour before?
It’s such a simple reframe but it has a surprisingly high batting average for success.
I’ve come to use this strategy for decision making often…in all sorts of areas of my life.
Every time I come upon a choice, whether it’s “What should I order at dinner tonight?” or “Is this the right business mastermind to join right now?” I take a moment to check in and firmly plant myself in the vision of the woman I want to be just a handful of steps ahead- whether that’s 10 minutes, an hour, or a year in the future.
I remember a couple years ago, I had an idea for an interview series where I would reach out to colleagues and mentors of mine and interview them around the topic of motherhood, ambition, passion and purpose.
Every time I would think about this idea I’d simultaneously feel elated and deflated because I felt so nervous and insecure, worrying that they would never say yes.
So I paused and got very quiet.
I saw myself one year ahead and filled my mind with the vision of the impact I wanted to have in the world with moms. I imagined myself as this self-assured, happy, confident, grounded woman who knew the value she offered the world.
And I asked myself, “Would *that* Lisa hesitate asking successful women to be part of her interview series?”
If you’ve been around WellGrounded Life long enough, you know the answer 🙂 and The MAPP Gathering (now available as Season 2 of my podcast) was born, with luminaries in the field of well-being and self care like Brené Brown, Dr. Sara Gottfried, Renée Trudeau, Jennifer Louden and Andrea Scher among others.
Every time I make a decision I have two perspectives it can be filtered through- the higher me and the lower me.
The problem is when I don’t make an intentional effort to shift into the perspective of the higher me, the lower me’s voice always seems to win out. And that’s why people can feel absolutely stuck in ruts in life- they keep making decisions based on where they ARE, not where they want to be GOING.
I encourage you to think about the decisions you make – where and when you choose to invest your time, money and attention in life. And consider whether you are making those decisions from your current situation and life experience…or are you making them based on where you WANT to be heading?
It’s a tremendously simple reframe that has staggering implications for your life.
Lisa, great post. This is exactly how I think before I eat anything. We are dairy free, and so many people tell me they could never do that. But, I just think back to how I used to feel eating it and know I don’t want to feel that way, which stops me from eating it! Enjoy reading your work (thanks to Renee at FIMBY).
Jennifer- so glad you came over from FIMBY! Love that you already put this in use 🙂
Lisa, When I read this post I knew immediately that it would be the starting point for a fantastic lesson for my Warring Women Sunday School class. I’ll be reading this post during our class tomorrow morning (giving you proper credit of course) and expounding on how baby steps of obedience toward becoming THAT woman will lead in the right direction. Thank you for the inspiration!
Oh Denice, I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear how you’ll be using this post!! Thank you for sharing and I hope it spurs a rich and meaningful conversation with the women you teach! 🙂
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