What kind of a Super-Mom are you?
We all know how futile trying to be a super-mom is, but in my experience, it takes a huge amount of honesty, courage, and at times, painful decision-making to break free of the tendency to fall into that familiar pattern.
I came to see a distinction between my own need to do-do-do more than I want to, more than I truly can, and more than what serves who I am and who I want to be in the world — and the need to do all of this and LOOK as if I am doing it effortlessly.
There are times in mothering that even the bare-bones feels like too much, and yet, we do it because we are mothers. It is in our soul to “get up, after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.” So even there we have a distinction between “doing” too many things which truly can be taken off the plate…and other times when we are “doing” too much and yet, it is all truly necessary.
But what struck me is that even when we are feeling overwhelmed or stretched thin or juggling more than we truly can…it is the underlying need to SEEM as if we are fine, handling it all perfectly well, going along effortlessly that is the most damaging aspect to our spirits and to our selves.
The intense mental and emotional energy that we expend managing our image to the world, and the degree to which we have become master image managers is exactly the degree to which we prevent support, help, love, acknowledgment, encouragement along the way.
If there is one thing I know, it is that we cannot do this alone. And that saying “no,” and admitting we are over our heads, and doing what is necessary to rectify the situation (even at the cost of our perceived “image”) feels delicious, peaceful, beautiful, and deeply rewarding.
So if you are holding onto things in your life because you are concerned with what it would “look like” if you declined and put them down…my deepest encouragement is to push past the discomfort and honor yourself, make a bold decision, take something off your plate, say “no” (or perhaps say “yes”). Trust that the other side is worth it.
My sentiments exactly! I was just having this conversation with someone. I don’t want to pretend to be something I am not. I am happy to admit that I can’t do it all myself and that not only do I want help but I need help. It is a very refreshing feeling! I personally do not think we were made to be creatures independent of each other, but to co-exist and support each other. Loved this post! Thanks!
Yes! Love your reflections…and from that place of authenticity you can actual show up in relationships and give your gifts on a whole different level!
I read this when it was published and have passed it on to several friends (even just today!) because we’ve been talking about this, too…and just realized that I never commented!
I agree with both of you–authenticity is KEY. When we can be honest about our struggles–AND our strengths–we can actually walk through life together and help each other out. We’re not doing anyone any favors to pretend like we’re doing it all and doing it perfectly–it just puts up walls!
I am working on my own authenticity (and not just maintaining an “image”) and “showing up” in life as myself, warts and all. I have a lot to offer AND a lot to learn.
It’s hard to be real (and vulnerable)! But so worth it, because it gives other women permission to be real, too. A win-win! Thanks for the insight and inspiration!
I read a similar sentiment earlier. That the answer is not just “self care”, but the need for supportive, functional structures that allow us to thrive as moms, getting the help we need.
Radical honesty in a kind way working miracles.