Of course every marriage relationship is different, but I’ve found in my own marriage one critical element, or what I call a “critical commitment”, has made a huge difference in our “sticking it out” during the challenging times and coming out stronger, more loving, more deeply understood and more intimate.
That is the commitment to the drawing board.
The truth is, figuring out how all the pieces fit in order to give you the life you and your husband want is not going to happen overnight.
There are so many moving pieces once two become one…and then three or four or five or more. I know for my husband and I once we began having kids we were blown away by the complexity and downright difficulty of growing a marriage while raising kids.
And yet, we were both deeply committed to having the kind of love, intimacy and friendship that was extraordinary.
In the process we’ve come to find that whatever it is you are working on improving (whether it is figuring out a right balance of kid time vs free time, figuring out how to express your love in the way the other really needs to receive it, or figuring out how to balance the monthly budget)…whatever ideal solution you are trying to find– the greatest commitment is to working it through until you get it right.
Commitment to the drawing board as we say.
And truth is, that means over and over and over again. Learning from what didn’t work- seeing it as a way to get important information that will make the next attempt even closer to the mark.
In fact, I tend to believe this is a central commitment to success in anything you truly want in life.
Today, I’d love you to think about one area in your life or marriage that you would like to see improved. Involve your husband. Ask him what his ideal in this area looks like, and share your vision. Then ask if he is open to committing to the drawing board. To seeing it through as you work on getting that part of your relationship closer and closer to what feels exactly how you want it to be.
As always, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts… leave a comment and let me know what critical commitment (or essential element) you have found is necessary for a thriving, healthy and strong marriage. And then take a moment to share this if you feel it could benefit someone in your circle!
The drawing board idea is so true — what a wonderful way to say it.
With six kiddos ten and under at our house, we find a sense of humor is an essential ingredient, too. Especially during the “heated” times when stress is at an all time high.
Thank you for the post!
Love it– Yes, another critical component–Humor! 🙂
Love the vision this concept brings with it. I think it doesn’t matter what your phrasing is, but it sounds like you keep it a constant talk topic. That’s what we don’t do and what I need to strive to do. Talking about the bigger picture and the truths that live there, instead of the smaller, every day stresses that just turn into unresolved conflict. (Not that those don’t need to be talked about too, but it sounds like maybe you are saying if you talk about and keep in mind the bigger picture, that will help the overall intimacy and lead the way for better dealings with the smaller, daily issues. Thank you for that.
For us its about committing to being together. I have found that there are less problems in our relationship (mostly less misunderstandings) when we are very deliberated about hanging out with one another. Not really planning anything special. Just hiring a babysitter and going to the mall to have an ice cream and hold hands while we walk around. We get to talk (him listen) and just KNOW each other. Just hanging out helps us stay “alive” in this commitment of marriage. Thanks for sharing!
This is SO essential. I think this is probably why so many marriages stay in the okay but ordinary stage and don’t move to the extraordinary. Another (though related) part is being completely blunt and open about it. I found this was especially difficult when we had gone to the drawing board and had come up with what we thought was a working and great plan. Sometimes it was tempting to try to keep working the plan and hounding it into the ground because we had come at it together so carefully… being willing to just say, “we were totally off base in this” and start over is important.