Rekindling Parts Of Yourself

Last Friday I had my first “girls” night with my 8 month old daughter. Older brother was sleeping over at Nana’s and my husband was out with friends for the evening.  It was just the girls.  So we decided to rent a movie.  Being the gracious sweetheart my daughter is, she let me pick.   It has been ages since I’ve watched films that would interest just me.  Our TV time is fairly limited anyway, and when we do switch it on, our son has a large (read “complete veto”) say in what we are watching…so Praise Baby, The Wiggles, Laurie Berkner and Baby Cookie Monster are generally the rotating feature films.

OK back to girls night. I picked out a film called, The Visitor.  I’d never heard of it before, but thought it sounded interesting from the jacket. A beautiful film about unexpected relationships and awakenings….and about African drumming.  The main character plays the djembe.  I was in heaven!

In college I loved to African dance.  There was a group that met once a week and we danced to live drumming.  It was amazing.  It got me thinking about some of the things that I used to do, that were part of my life before I had children.  I kept thinking back, all the interests and activities that I had enjoyed over the years in high school and college and beyond.

Sometimes, if we allow it, our lives and responsibilities as a mother can consume us. From time to time, it may be worthwhile to take stock of where our unique dreams, passions and interests fall in the pecking order of things.   I’m not promoting that we push our own agenda to the neglect of the needs of our husband and children, but if we do not tend to our own needs we are not serving anyone very well.  Doing what we love and what makes us feel inspired and creative is important for own wellness and growth. And it also models important values to our children.

The underlying statement we make to our children when we care for ourselves is that being well and healthy is important.  It is something that should not be sacrificed and will allow you to ultimately be of best use in the service of others.

When we cultivate our interests and passions we show our children the beauty of a life that has flavor, energy, joy and purpose.  When we keep creativity central in our life, we are saying that our dreams are a gift; given to us to be used for the blessing of others and necessary to living a full and truly alive life.

When we keep growing and learning and challenging ourselves we model for our children how exciting, fun, enjoyable and worthwhile education is.  How knowledge is gained and refined through a whole lifetime.  We communicate a love for inquisition, for exploring, for trying something new.

What do you love to do?  What are your interests?  What gets you excited?

I was reminded while watching that film that many things that make feel alive and creative have slipped away from my life.

I thought about how much I love painting.  How I love to make jewlery.  I love travel, camping, hiking in the mountains, swimming in lakes.  I love sketching in a journal.  I love picnics.  I love photography.  I love gardening.  I love studying chemistry.  I love whittling and woodworking.  I love to dance.  I love watching indie and documentary films.

I know that my life is fuller now with many other commitments, but weaving in what makes me uniquely me and HAPPY is important. So instead of signing up for a dance class, I downloaded some African drumming music and have been dancing with my children to it…I’ve also set up my paints again and play with color on my OWN canvas as my son explores his… and I unearthed a box that has some treasures I collected from my travels and set them out on my dresser.

It feels so nice just to see them again and to remind me to retain that Lisa too, even in the midst of a very new Lisa emerging.


Comments

15 responses to “Rekindling Parts Of Yourself”

  1. Beautifully written, and a reminder that I find myself sorely needing this spring as I approach the end of my first full year of mothering.

    I’ve been trying to compensate by coming up with ways to RE-enjoy things I did pre-children by doing them with my daughter, but I do think that it is important for me to enjoy some things, unmodified by her needs, by myself.

  2. That was really wonderful! I don’t see a place to contact you, so I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to write this. I do the monthly newsletter for my MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) group and was wondering if I could include this as an article next month? Of course I would include a credit line with your blog address and whatever info you want. Our group has about 50 women that get the newsletter. If not, I totally understand. Would you mind emailing me at tonaly at gmail dot com if it is ok for me to use it, and what info to include in the credit. If I don’t hear from you I’ll assume you’d rather me not do it. Thanks!!

  3. Thanks Kristine, I totally agree with you: there are times we can weave our own interests in with kid-time and times when we need some JUST US time to delve into our dreams…its all in finding the right balance 🙂

  4. Your “girls’ night out” sounds fun! 🙂 I’ll have to schedule some of those with my daughter…

    Coming out of several down years, I seem to be rediscovering my creativity…I started painting, developing my photography ‘skills’, I am beginning to build up scrapbooking supplies and other crafts (besides, they make fun gifts!), playing my guitar, writing…I like the idea you had of dancing to African drum music, my kids love music (the baby goes a little wild when I play my guitar! It’s hilarious) and it would be fun to explore more types of music with them.

    I really do want to pass on a love of life to my children…

  5. Hi Lisa,
    This is lovely. You made me stop and think at the end there with your questions “What do you love? What are your interests? What gets you excited?” I thought I knew what the answers were, but now I’m not so sure.

    I seem to have lost ME a little bit in the past year and a half as I’m trying to find a groove in my new role as a mom. But you’re right I feel I’m losing a bit of myself, not quite sure who ME is anymore. You made me realize that I can still do and in fact it’s important to do the things that make me feel alive and creative. I’m going to give this a lot more thought. Thank you!

  6. Becky and Sherri,
    Thank you for the thoughtful comments. It feels so nice to hear that others are experiencing similar things…trying to maintain that healthy balance of retaining who we are in the midst of changing so much as we move more and more into our role as mothers.
    I am so grateful for your presence here!

  7. It often occurs to me that if I want for my daughters to choose motherhood and see it as a beautiful and fulfilling choice for their lives – then I need them to see me living life joyfully… in serving, yes, but also in “being” who I am meant to be. I want them to see that I don’t stop learning because I stay at home (actually I have learned much more while at home than during six years of university!), that I continue to grow and dream. In addition to my own pursuits, though, my kids and I have the pleasure of learning alongside eachother; writing, reading classic novels aloud, nature sketching, whatever… it is great fun.

  8. […] internal struggles with the NO that is involved with their YES.  And while I believe that we can not lose ourselves completely for our own well being, we do need to be honest with what we can take on in order to set ourselves […]

  9. I love to bake. I love to read. I love to sit quietly with my cat and my partner. I love to knit and crochet. I love to stare out the window. 🙂

  10. This is wonderful. Just the little nudge I needed today. Thanks.

    -Another Lisa

  11. […] 2009/08/21 by latherrinseandrepeat From The Well-Grounded Life:  “Rekindling Parts of Yourself“. […]

  12. This is just the reassurance I needed! I’ve been feeling a little down lately, like the person I’ve become over the past 3 years isn’t really me. Looking around and focusing on the things uniquely me is really helping me be happier and healthier. I’ve always loved playing sports, being creative, helping others, and cooking. So, I’ve renewed my efforts in Roller Derby, started sewing merely for fun (as opposed to doing it for profit), spent more time snuggling with my children, and really slowed down my life.

  13. […] {This is a guest post by Sherri Krueger from Serene Journey and Zen Family Habits} “Doing what we love and what makes us feel inspired and creative is important for own wellness and growth. And it also models important values to our children.” – Lisa Byrne from Rekindling Parts Of Yourself. […]

  14. kelley Avatar
    kelley

    this post is old, i know, but i happened upon it just now, at the right time for me. i just had my third child, 7 weeks ago…and am feeling the itch to reconnect with myself. this pregnancy was very challenging and i felt like a shell of a human being toward the end. so, he and i are going to a nearby town I love for 2 days. i want to both connect with myself and with him, so he knows i love him to bits, despite the horrendous gestation period. i will thrift shop, watch an outdoor movie, take photos, eat delicious thai food—thank you for this post. i feel so understood!!!!:)

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