If your connected with me on Facebook (and if not, no time to waste– let’s get that settled right now!) you know I’ve been slightly obsessed absorbed in Brene Brown’s work. It feels as though I have found a woman who is writing the philosophy behind exactly what I teach in my courses.
She has caused me to go deeper in processing this core trap we fall into, this societal distraction that keeps our focus away from the truly important. And that is, at the core, the belief that we are never enough.
We are not smart enough, not thin enough, not happy enough, don’t have enough time, don’t have enough space, don’t have enough energy, don’t have a big enough house, don’t have nice enough clothes, didn’t get enough sleep…it goes on and on.
But what all of these statements are really saying is that we are not enough.
As Brene puts it, we are simply not “extraordinary” and when it comes down to it, our desire to be extraordinary is really a desire for others to perceive us as extraordinary.
When extraordinary becomes the goal (and by extraordinary she emphasizes that what we really mean is “how others perceive us”), that goal strips us of our life.
Because the truth is ordinary moments are where our treasure lies. And no one knows better than a mother.
We are daily, moment by moment, faced with the most ordinary things.
Loading the washer, brushing the hair, matching the socks, tugging at our knees, filling cups of water, cutting off the crust, reading simple books hundreds of times over, packing bags, wiping noses, hugging the hurts, going mad over the constant squabbling, fretting over who our kids are dating.
And when we trade the ordinary for the search of the extraordinary we miss the gold. We miss being present to the gift of joy that is hidden in the folds and creases of our days. And we always have access to our true selves in ordinary moments.
One of the things I love about the honor of helping moms change the trajectory of their lives toward wholeness and health is that it cultivates a practice of tuning in to the here and now. We become our own experts, through skills and tools that help us check in and translate what we hear; to be present to what is really happening, right here, right now.
In our body. In our mind. In our spirit.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is growth.
And when we start to feel stagnant and stuck- it has nothing to do with needing a more extraordinary life– it has to do with identifying what is clogging up the flow, where is growth stagnant.
We can’t grow as mothers in the world if we aren’t growing as women in the world.
The biggest saboteur of growth is the pursuit of perfection. And the best fuel for the pursuit of perfection is the belief that we are not enough. Right here, right now. All of us, even the dark spot, the shadows, the imperfect places.
What if we took a deep breath and rested into the knowledge that we have all we need, that we are all we should be, and that we are in the perfect place right here and right now to completely open up to true life and overflowing joy.
You know what’s I’d bet surfaces? Gratitude. And that is to remedy for it all.
Start now. Tell me in the comments- right now, this moment, what are you grateful for?
I’m grateful to not be invisible. I see women in other countries who are, and I’m grateful that I have opportunities. I simply have to take them and stop feeling less when I’m not. Great post!
I’m grateful for you, Lisa, and for Brene, and Jen Louden and all the women like you who inspire me.
I am grateful that I am free to mother my two young children in a peaceful, safe and supportive community.
Great read. I’m a huge fan of Brene Brown’s work and books. I’ve read 2 of them more than once. In 2011 I chose one word, EMBRACE [Who I Am], and have whole heartedly focused on no longer feeling like I was never enough. More about that here One Little Word
I could write pages about how far I have come but I won’t 😉 I will simply say you can change the “I’m not enough” and the “perfection” way of thinking. It can be done.
My gratitude? I’m so incredibly grateful for the love of my husband.
Thanks for this post Lisa. It really is what I needed to hear – right now. I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mother, and to have all these little moments around me to remind me what life is really about. The simple things!
I’m thankful for my husband who patiently and lovingly reminds me (almost weekly) that who I am – especially as a mother – is enough. I am grateful for my 2 beautiful children who love me despite my many flaws.
And thank you, Lisa for this post. These are some excellent thoughts for beginning the week.
I’m grateful for misty mornings, yoga, and mustard greens.
wow – this blog comes at an interesting time for me, when I had a HUGE AHA moment and it relates very closely to this theme about living up to other people’s expectations and perceptions of extra-ordinary. I am so grateful for my best friend’s gentle guidance in seeing this attachment I had to a message I received all through my childhood and now I am aware of how it has locked me into a place that isn’t working for me. And a couple days ago, I was able to unlock myself and move out. I am definitely feeling gratitude!
i’m grateful for a new week to start again. last week was too busy and stressful – my own doing. i’m grateful that i can try it again this week being more in tune with myself and my children and making good use of our time together rather than running ourselves around ragged.
I am grateful that I am not sick! Thanks be to GOD!
peanut butter toast with banana and a glass of milk ~ and the affirmation that I really AM enough 🙂
Thanks for the post – I love Brene Brown too!
I have felt lost from my life path for several years now. Today I am grateful that a little filtered light is shining down just enough as to show me that it’s still there, I’m still here and the beauty all around me (my friends, family, community, & all I hold dear in mother nature) are still here waiting for me to love and appreciate again.
So many things to be grateful for. I recommend “Simple Abundance” by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I believe that is how it is spelled. I read that book and it changed the way I looked at “chores”. Now, instead of complaining about doing laundry, I pause and say thanks for having clothes to wash and a washer to use and a family to take care of.
I am even thankful for the illness that forced me to learn how to say “No”. Since that time, I have gotten much better and less frazzled. Thanks for your post!
I am grateful for my extended family. Those people who are here to support me when I’m able to admit that I need help.
Oh Ladies…isn’t it amazing about gratitude…when we share it with others, it just multiplies…loved reading all the thanksgiving you offered.
I’m grateful for meaningful work, the feel of my youngest’s peach fuzz head, the laugh of my oldest, the way my daughter and I linger in snuggles whispering sweet nothings to each other- and the tremendous bedrock love and support of my husband.
And for the feel of a rejoicing heart.
i am grateful for summer salads, slow summertime days with no agenda, cool nighttime breezes, the space to be creative, and the unconditional love of family.
I am so grateful for the bountiful blessings that i can name and be thankful for each and every day. Healthy kids, a husband who loves me unconditionally, the ability to be a sahm, time away with my family, faith in an amazing God…..SO MUCH. Thankful also for the reminder.
I am grateful for the courage I am experiencing. I am moving beyond my fear and opening my heart and mind and truly looking at the many painful realities in my life. With ease and grace I am taking one step at a time and dealing with them. I am also very grateful for my wonderful and amazing friends who are supporting me every step of the way.
Right this second I’m thankful that when my son argued his case with me, I DID NOT yell (as I usually do to stop the “discussion”), especially since my daughter is on the phone with a family friend. 😉 I’m thankful that I’m learning to be a patient mom. I’m thankful that I keep remembering that I don’t have to be and do it all. I am enough.
I am so grateful for my healthy children. As crazy as they make me some days at 16yr, 8yr, and 1yr – our struggles are not around loss of life and dreams. I have lived far to close to friends with children terribly sick or gone. Let not a day go by that we don’t appreciate the gift of our babies!
I am grateful that I read this article, to know that there is another way. I struggle to be or see myself as good enough and I incessantly chase after it so much I am not living at all.
I am grateful for a wonderful husband and 4 beautiful and challenging children. I am grateful to live in America to experience the freedoms we have here. I am beyond thrilled to be born in this age of technology so we can enjoy the luxuries of hot showers, dishwashers, comfortable homes, and epidurals!
I have been reading many of your posts recently. I am so loving this. I suddenly feel so energized and excited after reading this article. I told myself last night that before I sleep each night I will SMILE and fall asleep that way. Its my way of showing Gratitude for everything in my life. I woke last night at 330am and made sure to smile again and fell asleep very quickly. Its amazing when you choose to live wholeheartedly !!!
Thank you for this lovely article. 🙂
I love this, I think you just gave me my new goal in life 🙂 To live wholeheartedly with a smile on my face. Because what do I have to NOT smile about? I have a beautiful boy and another one on the way. A loving husband who works very hard to make sure I get to stay home with our boys. We have a home that we can afford, we have an over-abundance of stuff in our home (that we are working on paring down), we have 2 cars that work. We are all healthy for the most part. I am diabetic, but we know it and I am taking care of my health. We have food in our fridge, freezer and pantry that I can cook when we get hungry. We have a bit of disposable income so that we can eat out when we want to also (though admittedly that should go toward paying off debt a little quicker). We have a great church to attend and good friends to attend with. We have family nearby. So many blessings to be grateful for.
I am grateful that my husband is alive and seemingly well. He survived Leukemia through a bone marrow transplant about 1 1/2 years ago and that fact that he is solid and on this earth with me and our three kids is such a tremendous gift. I still stumble with contentment from time to time but the amount of gratitude I feel for his life still knocks the wind out of me….
Im so grateful to you Lisa, and to my parents, hubby and the baby boy who make me do good all the time. Lovely post such an inspiration.