Two weeks ago, I became a mother again. In the most literal sense for the third time…but in the truest sense it was a spectacular shining moment among thousands of other moments I’ve had these past three years of becoming a mother.
I now know that becoming a mother happens all the time, and will continue for the rest of my life.
It is true there is nothing like being handed your child- the moment of seeing and touching and smelling and nuzzling up to the one that you’ve longed to meet for 9 months. It is concrete and real and surreal and so deeply fulfilling.
And yet, I become a mother over and over again in subtler, simpler ways everyday.
watching my toddler fall asleep and taking in the stillness of their being
finding the grace to lovingly handle a conflict with a clear, firm and gentle way
heart hurting when I see my child feel awkward meeting new kids in a gym class
having my breath taken away as my daughter spins around and flashes the most stunning crinkled nosed smile
holding hands, kissing bruises, smoothing out conflicts, asking forgiveness, reading books, dancing in the kitchen, struggling over decisions, praying for guidance, feeling lost, snuggling in tight, and folding the laundry…
With my first born, I felt the weight of the world upon my shoulders. So many decisions to make for this little being. How could I possibly not mess it up? How could I work through my awkward, selfish nature fast enough just to enjoy being his mom and rest in that?
This time around, I know I won’t be perfect. But I trust that I am exactly the person he needs as a mother. There is a perfect purpose in the Lord’s plan. His timing. The families He knits together. The lessons and challenges we go through. The people we are becoming together. This is my blessing now: to open to trust, settle it in deep inside, let it free up all the dark places, and then open the floodgates of light…and shine.
I’ll be spending time getting to know the rhythms of a family made of three little ones for a bit. Looking forward to coming back to this space when the time comes.